


lasting regret

by Daanny



Series: Soulmates... Or not? [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, M/M, colourblind soul mate au, i mean its knb they're all underage so if theyre gonna be screwing around, kise is still underage so, not a happy ending i guess, short undescriptive hotel bedroom scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daanny/pseuds/Daanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kise gives up his world of colours for Kuroko to be happy with Akashi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. tearing sky

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: The Red String of Fate exists, and only some people have the ability to see the strings, and these people can actually cut strings and knot other people’s strings in to alter the soulmate laws. Your best friend’s wedding is tomorrow and they know you can see the string. They ask you to help them defy the laws of the universe and help them be with the person they love even though they know that’s not their soulmate. You know they love each other so much so you help them, even though the person your best friend’s marrying/your best friend is your soulmate.
> 
> kinda followed it kinda didn't
> 
> have fun and enjoy
> 
> leave a comment for suggestions comments(repetitive much?) corrections rage and the such ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise gets into the sketchy world of getting fked by random men

“Kise-kun. If you would please.”

“I thank you in advance, Ryouta.”

Kise smiles. A forced smile, but a smile nonetheless.

His chest is throbbing. It feels empty and hollow, but the throbbing doesn’t go away.

How can it go away? He’s leaving two people without their soul mates. He’s erasing their dreams of finding the one that would bring them to the world of colour. He’s painting over this vibrant world of his with a bucket of gray paint.

And he doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t want to forget the curry yellow that stains half his shirts. He doesn’t want to forget the blazing orange of the setting sun. He doesn’t want to forget that light blue that first mesmerized his eyes.

He really doesn’t.

It hurts to think about the things he will be giving up, and the pain is almost unbearable when it pairs up with the throbbing in his chest. It must have shown on his face, because Kuroko puts his hand lightly on his shoulder and looks up at him concernedly.

The pain worsens tenfold.

“Kise-kun, are you alright?” Kuroko asks, blue eyes worried, but overshadowed by the imminent happiness. “You don’t have to—“ Kise plasters the smile back onto his face and Kuroko stops.

“Of course! I’m so happy for—" his voice cracks almost comically. “Sorry, puberty. I’m so happy for you two! It’ll be easy! Let’s get started!”

A nod.

He reminds himself once again to look happy for the couple. Kise could never provide the happiness that Kuroko receives from Akashi, so he’s happy for Kuroko. He really is. If sacrificing himself means the one he loves will be happy, he’ll do it without a complaint.

A string stretches in midair between Kuroko’s chest and his own, sky blue towards himself and a sunny yellow towards the other. Akashi’s string is a chocolate brown towards himself that gradually fades into a crimson red before passing through the walls of the classroom, attaching to some unknown person off into the distance.

Kise has been able to see these strings for as long as he could remember, and as far as he knew, no one else could. It took a bicycle contest, a skinned knee, and enough tears to fill the Pacific to find out that he could rip these things apart, and tie them to others. It took a few more crying bouts for him to realize that these strings were what connected the phenomenon of a soul mate.

Kise reaches out and grabs the string in dead middle, smiles, says “Here we go!” and pulls.

His whole body hurts like there's no tomorrow.

The yellow fades slightly from Kuroko’s piece into an ugly curry stained colour. Kise’s world of colour withers and the string turns into a stone gray.

_He doesn’t hurt one bit._

Kuroko nearly collapses if not for Akashi’s supporting arms. Kise stands frozen, not able to utter one sound while a deafening silence fills his ears.

_He can wait until he’s finished._

Like a program, Kise reaches out automatically for Akashi’s string, pulling Kuroko’s severed one along. He tears the gray string apart and knots the brown to Kuroko’s light blue as fast as his fingers could manage.

_He’s fine._

Resisting the urge to vomit, Kise runs. Leaves the couple rejoicing at their newfound colours and each other. Ignores the concerned voices behind him.

_He can’t hear anything._

He may have fallen a few times, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. He bursts into the nearest restroom, locks himself in a stall, bends over the toilet. He is forced to once again remember the taste of vomit.

_He doesn’t want to hear anything._

His head pounds, he thinks it started when he pulled apart his string, but he’s not sure. His mouth is bitter and sour with bile and breakfast. His clothing is crumpled, torn and covered in dirt; blood mixes with dirt on his hands and knees—so he did fall. He has to check twice that there's not a knife sticking out of his chest before he understands that it’s not physical pain he’s feeling.

_He doesn't know what he should do._

He’s not bending over the toilet this time, but the running sink. It’s a shame the sinks inside the school can't be twisted to blast water at his face: it would’ve been faster than splashing tiny amounts up again and again. He’s not sure how horrible he looks. It becomes difficult to gauge some things when you can only see in a monochromatic scheme. His face may be a little more pale than usual, but he’s not sure. He misses the flashy yellow of his hair already. Maybe he’ll go take a nap on the roof. Do naps fix a broken heart? What about a ripped up string?

_He hates this already._

It turns out that naps fix neither broken hearts nor ripped strings, but the nauseous feeling is long gone, and the headache is only a faint memory of what it used to be. Kise twists the frayed ends of his string around his finger and untwists it. He reaches up to the sky, the sky blue that he had loved dearly, before realizing that the sky too, was doused in that bucket of gray paint.

* * *

 

It was not long after when he finds Akashi’s soul mate, the one he threw away without knowing, meeting, loving.

A boy, the same age, caked in the dirt of a secluded Tokyo alley, face down, not moving.

His string was harshly ripped apart and frayed at the ends like Kise’s.

Kise takes a moment to think before bending down and shaking the boy’s body, “You still alive?”

The body jerks violently underneath Kise’s hand before the boy crawls away from Kise and presses his back tensely to the wall. A pair of eyes with rather small pupils flicker in time with the distastefully bright neon signs and find Kise’s own.

“If— If it’s money you want, I don’t have any!” the boy all but yells. A glob of something white flows out of the boys mouth and he wipes it away hurriedly with a dusty sleeve, leaving a trail of gray. The boy grabs a bag near himself and runs out of the alley.

Kise doesn’t know how long he stands there, not moving, but when a man waves a wad of cash in front of him, he doesn’t say no.

* * *

 

There is no way Kise could be good at what he was doing, but the man didn’t seem to mind. He remembers to take care of Kise and Kise’s glad for it. There was basketball practice tomorrow and he isn’t sure he can skip another practice without a word from Kuroko.

Bringing up that name was a mistake.

His name makes its way out of Kise’s mouth, and the man is not happy with him.

He abandons all acts of kindness and treats Kise like a sex toy. Kise cannot truly say he disliked it.

With each thrust is a moan of his name, and with each moan of his name the unknown man gets more violent.

It wasn’t much later that the man climaxes all over Kise’s body. The man wastes no time in gathering up his things and slams the hotel door shut.

Kise stretches out on the bed meant for two, trying to fill up the empty space and realizes that he _can’t_.


	2. wilting maple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of break ups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo this is awkwardddddddd......
> 
> i realized that i didn't finish the second chapter off properly the last time i posted LOL (sorry planning doc) and now here it is, in its full glory. sorry for the extra alert
> 
> * * *
> 
> (also im in a bet with my friend so expect the next chapter like tmr GG)
> 
> * * *
> 
> (also holy fuck i totally did not remember deleting a chp deletes comments too im so so so so so so so sorry please forgive me i read everything and love them all)  
> uh maybe a lie (whats wrong with akafuri honestly?)

It’s been a month since Kuroko and Akashi asked Kise for help.

It’s been a long, exhausting, and disgusting month since Kise had run off, gasping, sweating, crying.

It was a month filled to the brim and more with arguments, fights, and a feeling of emptiness that has dug a hole through Kuroko’s heart.

Neither were at fault, and neither were in the right.

That’s why as Kuroko and Akashi stand face to face, under the secretive shade of the reddening maple and yellowing ginkgo, with each gust of wind stealing bedazzling leaves from their branches and tosses them into a mess midair, both understand their situation clearly.

“Let’s end this, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko says softly. Clouds slowly begin gather and block off the azure sky, piece by piece. “We both understand that nothing more will come out of this relationship.”

The wind pick up its pace and tears off more leaves from the maple. Akashi brushes his left eye, covered under a medical eye patch. Kuroko moves a hand towards his right arm, over a series of white gauze.

“You’re right, Kuroko. Let’s end this,” Akashi’s face is dark under a layer of red hair. The blue sky is completely covered under a thick layer of cloud and the wind stops. Maple and gingko alike drift to the ground gracefully and settle into a collage of fiery red and piercing yellow. Akashi lifts his head and pulls off the eye patch.

Kuroko stares into Akashi’s eyes in disbelief. The eye that was under the eye patch now gleamed a bright yellow, straight through the hole in Kuroko’s heart. A look that borders crazed line Akashi’s normally calm and beautiful face.

“Why are we still standing around? If that’s all you wanted to talk about, Tetsuya,” Kuroko’s first name echoes through the hole and his ears, “I’ll be leaving now.”

Kuroko stands under the clouded sky with his feet rooted to the grass by the layer of yellow and red leaves. He stands for a bit longer and leaves, kicking up flurries of colours with each step.

* * *

Kise spends his days and night selling his body. His first experience was horrible, of course, but as he received more and more clients, each and every one introducing to him new kinks and tools, he finds out gags are very useful to not spill what you want to say. He never goes without a gag now, unless he’s giving a blowjob.

Kise’s not very good at blowjobs: his customers are rough and demanding and Kise always has to force acid mixed with semen down his throat. It doesn’t help that he will never be able to picture Kuroko forcing him to do anything he’s not willing.

Yes, if it were Kuroko with him every night, atop the soft beds of easily accessible love hotels, Kise would have no problem getting used to the hot and fast rhythm of sex. He may even end up addicted.

But the ones he allows himself to be fucked by each night is not Kuroko, and when he sees each of his partners’ strings trailing off into the distance, there’s no way he could enjoy it.

The familiar sound of Kuroko’s voice pulls Kise back into reality, the disgusting, plain, gray of reality. He smiles up at Kuroko from his napping spot on the roof.

“Good afternoon, Kise-kun.”

“Kurokocchi! how’s it been going with Akashicchi?”

It’s meant to be a perfectly normal and harmless question to ask someone in a relationship, so when Kuroko starts trembling from holding back tears, Kise wonders if he has lost all interpersonal abilities from all the fucking.

Kise jumps up and puts an arm around Kuroko, tensing as he remembers their relationship again. He thinks Kuroko would draw away from the unexpected contact. It’s not at all uncomfortable when Kuroko draws him in close, buries his head in Kise’s chest, and wraps his arms around his waist. After a long pause of hesitation, Kise returns the gesture.

“Akashi-kun and I broke up,” Kuroko says, voice muffled by Kise’s white sweater. “We… I…” Kuroko trails off before trying again, “it’s been a long month.”

Kise pauses, thinks back on his month, and pauses again. He looks down at Kuroko’s vulnerable form, and thinks, and pauses.

He never wants to let Kuroko from his embrace.

“It’s been a long month for me too.”

* * *

Kise welcomes back the world dyed in brilliant colours: blinding reds, warm yellows, soft pinks, dirty browns, the difference between the calming sky blue and piercing electrical blue. He basks in it. He drowns his eyes in it. He’d never let it go. He’d never let Kuroko go.

He wanted Kuroko to be there for him. He wanted Kuroko to treasure him the way he did. He wanted Kuroko to experience what he did.

So they go on dates. They visit the aquarium, sit around in zoos and chat on the roof. They catch each other up on what had happened recently (Kise, of course, omits his recent nightly activities) and make plans for the near future.

They spend afternoons in the basketball court. They watch sunsets with hands clasped tight. They send each other messages on Line at night.

Kise is happy. Kise is _overjoyed_. Kise knows Kuroko feels the same, he _has_ to. They’re soul mates, even being beside each other should give them happiness.

So when he overhears a junior in their basketball team gossiping in the change room after a practice, he’s not sure if he wanted to torture the junior, murder him, or both.

“Kuroko-senpai’s been looking down ever since he started dating Kise-senpai, dontcha think?”

Kise looms over the junior and all but growls, “What do you mean by that?”

The junior and his friends jump. Shivering, the junior answers in a high voice, “I— It’s just that, I saw Kuroko-senpai crying in the shower stall the other day. An— And he’s been looking extra gloomy whenever he talks to Aka—“

Kise leaves, leaving the juniors. He heard the name Akashi and it drove him off. Without a second thought, he heads off in a search for Kuroko.

Kuroko loves basketball more than anything, perhaps more than he ever loved Kise or Akashi, and that is why Kise is able to find him with no trouble. He takes a minute to watch Kuroko’s figure, head tilted up towards the basketball hoop, ball in hand, not moving. The sky is dark from thick rain clouds; Kuroko’s bangs cast shadows across his face.

“Kurokocchi?” Kise calls from far off. “What are you doing just standing there?”

Kuroko flinches and puts down the ball, “Just thinking. Is there anything wrong?”

_Just thinking about? Me? Akashi?_

Kise wraps his arms around Kuroko’s waist and rests his head on Kuroko’s shoulder, “I love you, Kurokocchi.”

“What brought this on?” Kuroko pats Kise’s head. The sky lightens as the clouds thin. The smallest beams of light pierce through and light up Kuroko’s face.

“Never mind. Just missed you,” Kise lets go. “Want to go somewhere tonight?”

Kuroko is silent for a long time and Kise wonders if he was too quiet. Kuroko picks up the basketball and smiles lightly, “Yeah.”

The bright sky looks like it never was and never will be clouded.

* * *

Autumn continues. The leaves on trees continue to yellow and fall. They’re intriguing to watch. Kise’s not sure why, but he can never tear his eyes away from the scene of yellow leaves breaking from their branch and drifting to the ground in slow motion. It’s beautiful, really, yet not once is he able to ignore the hint of eeriness weaved into the view.

He zones out during classes to stare out the window, he pauses his basketball practices to look out the gym doors propped open, he stops on the way home to gaze at the nearby park.

Only Kuroko’s presence is able to distract him. When Kuroko is beside him, everything feels _right_ , Kise feels whole again. And so they spend days talking about anything that comes up, visiting restaurants, and end their dates with the occasional kiss.

It’s lovely, but there’s bound to be a day when nothing comes up, when there's no more restaurants to be visited, when Kise craves something beyond a kiss.

But Kuroko is content with what they have right now, and Kise doesn’t want to push him beyond his boundaries. From the nights he spent in nameless hotels, he understands the terror that comes with the unknown, and the terror that comes with being forced into the unknown. Kise could take it, but the memories still jerk him up at night sometimes covered in a sheen of sweat.

So he pretends everything is fine. Night and day he chants “I’m doing great” in his mind. So when Kuroko asks Kise in a voice of concern if there was anything wrong,

“I’m doing great!” he answers with a smile.

He’ll fight his desires for Kuroko, hell, he’ll fight _anything_ if it was for Kuroko.

When Kuroko asks to break up the next day, he feels his heart breaking along with the sky. In the pouring rain, he vaguely makes out the disappearing figure of Kuroko and quiet repetitions of sorry in the distance.

He lies down on the sopping grass and watches each droplet hit the fallen leaves. The leaves shatter and Kise shuts his eyes.

 Like the dead leaves on the ground, his love with Kuroko had long withered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~do you even understand how tempted i was to make a "and he leaves" pun at the end bro~~


	3. smothering silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kise finally says fuck it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO
> 
> waow look it's an actual update. sorry for the short length, it seems with each day the length i can manage to spew out gets shorter and shorter
> 
> (sorry not sorry kise)
> 
> (look friend i can write a chapter gdi)

It doesn’t take long for Kise to return to his night activities. They might not fill the emptiness that takes over the entirety of Kise’s being, but they do provide for a quick distraction, and the extra money can never hurt.

His business, as they may call it, isn’t doing as hot as when he first started. There are always new clients, but the number that continue to contact him after the first time is slim. His older clients bring up questions if anything’s on his mind. Kise skirts around the question, and they drop it quickly. They’re in a simple business relationship: Kise provides his services, and they pay up at the end. They’re not the one to provide Kise with mental support.

No, the only one that could do that was, and still is Kuroko. But that’s a matter done and over with now.

It becomes a routine over the months for Kise to finish school, skip basketball practice, take a long nap, grab some coffee, and then meet up with a client for the night. He spends the weekends roaming the city aimlessly. It’s on Saturday when he finds a familiar redhead hand in hand with someone he’s sure he met before, but couldn’t quite put a hand on where. He catches on the frayed brown string floating behind Akashi and the red string floating behind the other. His memory jogs.

Brown hair, brown eyes, small pupils, intrusive neon lights, semen filled mouth, frayed red string— Akashi’s soulmate.

The cold contents of the ocean is dumped over his head. Any warmth Kuroko had left with is washed away and he is thrown back to the moment when he ripped apart his own string for Kuroko. Nausea makes him double over and kneel beside the nearest bench. He’s not sure how long he spends like this but he knows that he’s got no time to waste like this. When the pounding in his head subsides just the smallest amount, he takes off over Akashi and his soulmate.

Turns out there was no need to run. Akashi stands in line patiently in front of a crepe stand and his soulmate was waiting on a bench in the shade. Kise recognizes the expression that filled the boy’s face: Kise’s own had been painted with that for a long time, until only a few months ago. He puts on an expression of calm and walks up to the boy.

“Hey, I’m Kise,” Kise waves. Akashi’s soulmate glances around, when he finds no one else Kise could have referred to, he waves back cautiously. “Listen, you can’t be with Akashi.”

There were infinite ways Kise could have said those words better, but he had to pull out the worst way. The boy is immediately on guard and Kise knows he fucked up.

“Who are you to say that?” comes the quick retort.

“I can see and manipulate soulmate strings,” he explains. “I had to manipulate Akashi’s for his previous boyfriend.”

“Why not just fix it then?” Memories of Kuroko and their short time together flashes past Kise’s mind.

It takes a lot to set Kise off, but when Kuroko is involved, it took nothing.

“Do you think I haven’t tried?” he snarls. The boy flinches back and shoots a glance towards the crepe stand. “If I succeeded, do you think I’d be alone now?”

With perfect timing, Akashi arrives and pushes Kise back, “Kise, I see you’ve been doing well out of basketball practices, but keep your hands _off_ Kouki.”

Kise glares into Akashi’s red eyes. Where did that yellow eye come from? No matter.

“Never mind. Sorry to intrude today. I’ll see you around, Akashicchi, and Kouki, was it?” Kise readies to leave. “Nah, I still think semen-boy fits you better, yeah?”

If only Kise could fix everything so easily.

* * *

The unknown is scary, Kise knows this through firsthand experience. He doesn’t know how things will turn out with Kuroko; a part of him doesn’t want to know. He’s fine with how things are if there’s a chance it could all get worse.

It’s a pathetic thing to do, really, but he wastes his nights away with his clients. He searches for that pleasure to drown in, but nothing seems to give him that kick he desires. His nights get more boring with each passing day, but there’s no way he’ll give them up.

Being left alone is much worse than being bored during sex.

When he’s alone, there’s nothing to distract him even slightly from the endless slideshow on rewind in his mind, capturing each and every moment of the time he and Kuroko were together.

Even being in class and forcing himself to record notes on the ways to factor polynomials beat being alone. Kise doesn’t miss a single class, but it doesn’t mean he manages to process anything.

The glimpses of Kuroko he catches before and after school hurt the most. On the rare occasion their eyes meet, Kuroko averts his eyes at the speed of lightning and disappear into the crowd— it’s not only on the court that his ability is useful. While it doesn’t make anything better, Kise respects Kuroko’s decision and begins to do the same after a while.

Kise doesn’t hear anything about Akashi and his soulmate breaking up and assumes they must be happy together. Being the popular person he is, he also catches rumours of Kuroko and Momoi. He wishes them the best, perhaps Momoi will be able to bring Kuroko happiness the way Kise wasn’t able to.

Everyone is moving on one by one, and yet Kise is left behind by himself. Why must it be him? Once and once again, he tries to take out the anger that built up without even Kise knowing, but there is no one around for him to take it out on. He is alone, in every sense of the word.

When a dark skinned hand is stuck out in front of Kise, he looks up in surprise to find Aomine, “Wanna… uh… go somewhere after practice? You’ve been kinda down lately and I uh…”

Kise doesn’t believe any relationship with him can turn out well.

If it won’t turn out well, why not make a mess of it to the best of his abilities?

He smiles up at Aomine, and a pang of regret shoots through him. It’s a shame Aomine will be his first target, but Kise supposes it doesn’t really matter anymore.

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look yeah i know i said no one would have a happy ending 
> 
>  
> 
> (that's what next chp is for)


	4. Chapter 3.5 --the beginning--

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how the whole shebang began

Everyone in the world is born colour blind.

Kuroko read in books that in a world far, far off, colour blindness only meant that people saw colours as other colours. But in the world he lived in, people only saw the world in a black and white monochrome.

His parents were soulmates. Kuroko asked about the colour blindness more out of curiosity than anything else. Mom told him that it was kind of like watching black and white TV. But Kuroko, who had never seen colours, could only nod without understanding. Mom saw the hesitance in Kuroko’s nod, and dropped the conversation there and then.

Kuroko didn’t mind living without colours, but every now and then he couldn’t help but wonder when his soul mate will show up in front of his eyes and bring colour into his life.

Elementary passed quietly without Kuroko meeting his soul mate. He knew it was normal, that even his own parents met in university, and there was no need to rush.

But everything changed when he entered middle school.

It was the first day of school, teams and clubs were desperate to recruit. He recalls vague memories of wandering through the mess of new students trying to navigate through the determined seniors shoving posters in everyone’s faces.

There was only one team that had no need for recruiting. The famous Teiko basketball team had a table set up, far away from where most clubs were gathered. It was only early morning, yet a long line had already been formed. Seniors and the manager took in signup forms at a speed comparable to light, but the line didn’t seem to be shortening.

No matter, Kuroko took his place at the back of the line. He was glad that he remembered his novel and flipped it open.

He had only read a few words when someone all but ran into him. He stumbled before looking up from his book.

“Sorry about that!” a boy with yellow hair waves at him from a distance. The boy’s eyes were wide from shock. _Probably the misdirection_. Kuroko waves back before turning back to the line.

 “Are you alright?” Kuroko looks up and a flood of colour burns into his eyes. He blinks a few times before he is able to take in anything else.

A boy only slightly taller than himself stood in front of him with a confused look. Kuroko gaped.

He had found his soul mate.

* * *

Looking back on that day, it can only be described as ignorance and stupidity.

Now that he took the time to think about it, yellow was clearly the first colour he saw: the bleached hair of Kise. The look of shock from Kise was probably not from Kuroko’s misdirection either.

It was difficult to believe that everything started off as a misunderstanding, but Kuroko cannot deny the clear truth laid out in front of him.

Kuroko lies back on his bed and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes.

It is the end of autumn. The yellowed leaves that crowded his window had long fallen, shattered into brittle brown pieces.

He can't wait for snow to cover up those remnants.


	5. Chapter 4: Bare Branches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise's kinda fucked. In the mind. And physically i mean.

Kuroko hears rumours.

When people think no one is around them but their one friend, people talk. They’re usually nothing but absurd matters.

But when the name “Kise” hits his ears, he freezes.

And listens.

“Did you know Kise and Aomine are dating now?”

“No way, but they’ve only been arguing lately.”

“Definitely lovers’ quarrels, trust me.”

“I don’t know man, their arguing’s going pretty far.”

“What?”

“Not sure but I think I heard Kise threatening Aomine. It sounded pretty serious too.”

“With what?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Holy shit, did you just miss out on the most important part? GET THE JUICY BITS, COME ON!”

The two walk away, giddy with laughter. Kuroko squeezes his eyes shut. The world of colour no longer seemed so vibrant, but as if someone threw gray paint over the bright canvas. Surely, for Kise and Aomine, it could only be worse.

Kuroko loves Kise and Aomine. In a different way than he used to, but it was love nonetheless. For that bit of leftover love, he wanted to help them however he could.

_Kise-kun, if you’re not busy tomorrow, could we meet up by the restaurant we frequented?_

It’s almost strange how quickly the reply comes. Kuroko stuffs his phone in a pocket and leaves the class.

_I’m busy._

_I’ll meet you there for breakfast._

* * *

Kise is a liar.

He lies when he speaks to Aomine, he lies on the phone to his parents, and most of all, he lies to himself.

“Aominecchi, you’re the only one I love,” he says in sweet, alluring voices, wrapping his arms around Aomine’s strong, bare shoulders.

A lie.

“Don’t worry, Mom, Dad, I’m doing perfectly fine here. Thanks for worrying,” he says in calm and comforting voices.

_A lie._

“I don’t love Kuroko any…more.”

A LIE.

Making small talk with his customers, his classmates, his clubmates, his friends, his family, he can’t differentiate the truth from the lies. He’s waiting for the lies he fabricated to come back and bite him, poison him, send him to the deepest corners of hell where he belongs. But they don’t.

Yet.

His customers are not the ones who would care for his mental wellness. In fact, Kise himself couldn’t care less about his mental wellness. His customers gain joy out of screwing him senseless, out of leaving him unable to think in a pool of semen. Kise is perfectly fine with that; he doesn’t want to think, doesn’t need to think.

The extra bucks only made it better.

His classmates were happy as long as they had new gossip to latch onto. His clubmates didn’t care as long as they kept on winning awards. He no longer had friends to speak of.

His family are far away. It’s easy to make up stories about how well his life is going. His parents may be worried, but they aren’t able to find out anything.

In the end, his lies were perfect and didn’t betray him. All he had left to convince is himself.

If he convinces even himself, would it still be a lie?

When Kuroko texted him, he was enraged.

He was the one that had left Kise, how dared he bring up their connections once again?

But that rage left him as quickly as it had come.

If he could use this chance to leave his memories of Kuroko in the past, truly in the past, his lie would become perfect.

He texts back quickly, and awaits the weekends.

_Yes, I’ll see you there._

* * *

They meet early in the morning. The sky is cloudless, and the trees were only bare branches. The weather was quickly cooling down, and the two only customers at the café share a chill.

“What did you call me here for?”

“Is it true you and Aomine-kun are dating?”

“Is that your business?”

Silence falls as the waitress sets down two coffees and a small jug of cream. Kise smiles up at her, she blushes and hurries away.

“Yes. It is, in fact, my business. Aomine-kun is my friend, and if you are threatening him, I can not let that pass.”

Kise laughs, “So when Aomine’s feelings are hurt, there’s a problem, but when mine are, it’s not a problem?”

“...That’s not what I said.”

“That’s exactly what you said.”

“You two are both important to me, so if Aomine-kun—”

Kise puts his hand over Kuroko’s mouth, “Kuroko, you’re a liar. You’ve never thought of me as important. It was Akashi before, and now it’s Aomine. It’s never been me, it’ll never be me. If that’s all you came to discuss, I’ll be leaving now.”

“Kise-kun,” Kuroko says in a quiet voice. Its quiet, but it’s also terrifying. Kise stops and sits down. “Thank you. I admit I was wrong dealing with the matter of Akashi-kun and you, and that is exactly why I don’t wish to repeat that mistake.”

It’s reasonable enough, but reason has little meaning to Kise.

“Look, we’ve got nothing to do with each other anymore. My relationship with Aominecchi has nothing to do with you either. I’ll see you around school.”

“Wait— Kise-kun! I—”

Kise does not expect the words Kuroko would say next. There’s no way he could, but that sinking feeling hits him like a truck.

“I know you’re my soulmate.”

It’s not a huge problem, but it feels like everything Kise’s done in the past months has been in vain.

“So? Congratulations for finding out, but it’s a bit too late, don’t you think, Kuroko?”

“I—”

“Do you know what I had to go through because of you?”

“Do you think the pain you feel could compare to mine?”

“Do you think you have the right to lecture me about Aominecchi?”

Questions based off of lies.

Lies to make Kuroko feel bad. Lies to make Kise feel better about himself.

Lies that aren’t working.

“I know I don’t. Please feel free to blame everything on me,” Kuroko trails off while Kise waits for him to speak again. “My best friend will play the next basketball game against our school. I hope you will be there.”

It’s a random matter to bring up, and Kuroko knows it. He messed up Kise’s life, and he knows it. If there’s anyway they could grasp onto the innocence they had, Kuroko would sacrifice everything.

Kise is uncomfortable. After everything, he still wanted to be the only one for Kuroko. Love, he supposes, is indeed a strange thing. He ignores the plan brewing in the back of his mind and leaves.

Ignoring the plan does not mean Kise forgets it.

* * *

Seeing Kuroko greet his friend with warmth Kise misses brings up a new wave of fire from within him. He pulls out his phone and pulls up Aomine’s contacts.

_Aominecchi._

_What’s up?_

_For the next game… How about a little fun?_

* * *

Kise only feels a wave of pleasure when despair is painted across Kuroko’s friend’s face. When Kuroko confronts him about it, however, a numb feeling freezes over him.

Kuroko was his entire world.

That entire world betrayed him.

Was it really so wrong to take away Kuroko’s entire world?

“Ki-chan, have you seen Tetsu-kun around? He seemed really down after he came back from the infirmary.”

Not one would be spared.

Kuroko’s. Entire. World.

Kise smiles, “I think I saw him go down that way. Good luck cheering him up!”

Momoi makes a gesture as if cheering herself up. Kise waves goodbye.

Maybe he should take on a customer or two tonight.

* * *

Kuroko stands atop the roof. The wind takes away the heat in his face along with the tears that refuse to leave his tear ducts. The sky used to calm him down effortlessly, now the dull blue just deepened the weight on top of his chest.

The door swings open again, “Tetsu-kun! Everyone’s looking for you!”

Kuroko squeezes his eyes shut. He didn’t want to be bothered. Someone like him should just be left alone.

“Umm… Have you thought about the answer to my question last time at all?”

It’s a strange, no, not strange, atrocious time to bring up such a question. Anger boils below Kuroko’s skin, “Please, just leave me alone.”

“I—” Momoi seems shocked. “I just wanted to help.”

“I don’t need help. Just. Leave me. Please.”

“I love you, Tetsu-kun. Let me be of use to you!”

A flash of bright yellow blinds Kuroko’s eyes. Memories of Kise, of Akashi, of Shige, of Aomine, of Momoi play in his mind like a DVD. Happy memories, smiles, laughter.

Sad memories, tears, screams of anguish.

“It’s a bit too late, isn’t it?”

“Do you know what I went through?”

It’s all his fault.

It was no one’s fault but Kuroko’s own.

How funny.

“Tetsu-kun? Why are you laughing?”

“Leave.”

“Tetsu—”

“ _Leave_. I don’t want to see your face again.”

“I just—”

“LEAVE.”

Momoi leaves in tears. Of course she does. Nothing good came out of being with Kuroko. Kuroko only brought those around him sadness, suffering, tragedy.

To make Kise’s world right again, he can and will sacrifice everything.

He lays a hand over the fence. And climbs.

The sky never seemed so blue.

* * *

“Kise, why won’t you stay?”

“Aominecchi, I’ve _said this already_. I’m _tired_ of you. We’re breaking up. Got it?”

“What did I do? I can change. Don’t leave. _Please_.”

“Look, it’s not you. It’s allll me, good now? Can you just _leave_?”

“Kise, just give me another chance, just one more chance. I’m begging—”

How annoying.

Kise pulls out a dagger and presses it against his wrist. Aomine, at least, stops in his tracks and slowly backs up, “You know the drill. Leave.”

The room is finally empty but for Kise. He drops the dagger. The cleaning up had been a lot of work last time; there was no way he would’ve put himself through that again. Aomine, however, does not need to know that. The tears and terror decorating his face last time had been more than worth it.

The sky is gray. There are no clouds but the sky is gray. The entire world is doused in gray. His soulmate is no longer with him. It would be easy, so very easy for him to create himself another soulmate but that just sounded like way too much work.

His soulmate is gone, and there is no one to blame but himself.

A drop of tear flows down his cheek. He wipes it away.

The past should be left in the past. Maybe he’ll take on a customer tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE WE HAVE IT
> 
> yes im sure there were many of you who wanted a happy ending, but that wasn't what i was planning soooooo pat pat
> 
> kise does seem like his character has been left in the middle of nowhere but that is also the impression i wanted to leave.
> 
> he doesnt know what to do with his life, yet he doesnt feel the need to follow up with what kuroko does
> 
> thank you everyone, esp those who've been here since the beginning, for sticking with me
> 
> <333333
> 
> and that's daanny out


End file.
